Is it Rude and Mean, or Bullying??

RUDE and MEAN, or BULLYING...Oh My!

Bullying is a hot button topic these day, right? And rightfully so.....

But, when rude and mean behaviors are overgeneralized as bullying, a pressing issue loses its urgency. We, both adults and children, need to be able to consistently distinguish between rude, mean and bullying behaviors. This will help us all to effectively respond to reported incidents of bullying.

So we definitely need to define each of these so we can all be on  the same page. So here are some helpful ideas...

RUDE: Accidentally saying or doing something that hurts feelings, embarrasses others, or is socially unacceptable. These are unplanned inconsiderately thoughtless behaviors, bad manners, or thinking of only yourself, BUT not actually meant to harm or hurt others.    ACCIDENTAL!!

MEAN: Purposely saying or doing something to hurt or harm someone, maybe once or twice....sometimes said in anger to make someone feel badly, but often is regretted later. PURPOSELY! 

BULLYING: Behavior that is on purpose, done over time repeatedly, that involves an imbalance of power.  REPEATEDLY!

There are four general types of bullying:

    1. Physical-actions that hurt the body   *hitting, pushing,                           scratching, kicking (you get the picture!)

    2. Verbal-words that hurt feelings *name-calling, threats, put-               downs

    3. Cyber-uses technology *social media, texts, chats

    4. Relational-uses the threat of removing relationships *I won't             be your friend if...., gossip and rumors, exclusion

I recently came across a wonderful article written in 2012 (a while ago, right?) by Signe Whitson, Licensed Social Worker, School Counselor, author, keynote speaker, and Chief Operation Office of Life Space Crisis Intervention Institute (WOW!).

In her article titled, "Is it Rude, It is Mean, or Is it Bullying?" she explains how everything isn't bullying and how many people have difficulty discerning what is and is not bullying. Click the link above to read the article. Enjoy the read!

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How to Help an Anxious Child

Sometimes anxiety is easy to identify — like when a child is feeling nervous before a test at school. Other times anxiety in the classroom can look like something else entirely — an upset stomach, disruptive or angry behavior, fears, ADHD, or even a learning disorder. There are many types of anxiety but they all have one thing in common....they tend to "lock up the brain."

Here is an article with tips on handling anxiety in kids at school and at home by respecting their feelings without empowering fears. Take a moment to read the advice.

https://childmind.org/article/what-to-do-and-not-do-when-children-are-anxious/

Perspective: Are you able to change yours?

You don't need me to tell you that conflict is part of human interaction. This is a fact in every social aspect of our lives....work, school, home, and community. Perspective taking is that all important skill of being able to look at things from a point of view other than our own. Perspective taking brings in the mindfulness of compassion and empathy to our relationships. And learning how to do this can be difficult, even for adults.

At PRAES, we have been learning about perspective taking and how it can help us in our daily interactions with others. If we can see and feel how others may be feeling in a situation, then we are able to be more caring and empathetic in our response to them. Kindness...inclusiveness.....caring....understanding; it's what we've been working on all year!

I've been teaching about perspective taking recently in the 3rd and 4th grade classrooms. The students have been so involve and interactive during this lesson and it makes it so fun!  I start by reading this book but I don't show them the illustrations.

Then we the discuss their thoughts and perspectives about what could be happening and somewhere along the way, someone realizes that the illustrations and thoughts are from the ants' perspective! Incredible! Then the discussion really gets going. We then come up with a working definition of perspective and it usually boils down to "learning to see someone else's point or view." Then, in groups, the students fill out a sheet where they draw their thoughts and perspectives and then write what "really" is happening.

They choose a person, a group, or an idea of their own and put it in the center. Then they try to see how people might feel about what they chose. They were so thoughtful and imaginative! I think that sometimes kids can view things from a better vantage point than some of us adults. Maybe because they have not formed such strong opinions or have become stuck in their thoughts. So, let's all take some lessons from kids and try to be more understanding, more empathetic and look at things from someone else's perspective. It could open up a whole new world!

September is National Suicide Prevention Month

September is National Suicide Prevention Month

During this month, individuals and organizations will be drawing attention the the problem of suicide and advocating to prevent this terrible tragedy. Suicide is a national health problem that currently ranks as the 2nd leading cause of death for ages 10 – 24.  Suicide is also one of the leading causes of preventable death in our nation. 

The Jason Foundation is currently planning events to spread the word and awareness about suicide. If you click on the link above, it will take you to a site that has information about the challenge they are using to raise awareness about this silent epidemic that is stealing our youth.

#BeThe1To is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline’s message for National Suicide Prevention Month and beyond, which helps spread the word about actions we can all take to prevent suicide. The Lifeline network and its partners are working to change the conversation from suicide to suicide prevention, to actions that can promote healing, help and give hope.

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Start With Hello

Start With Hello Week

February 5-9, 2018 at PRAES

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At PRAES, we celebrated Start with Hello week with a variety of activities. Some 6th grade students made a poster for anyone to sign and leave positive messages for other to read. Mrs. Kouba and some 6th grade students made a Scavenger Hunt using QR codes. Students had to follow clues to find the word HELLO in a variety of languages, answer questions and discuss topics. Everyone had fun and learned a lot in the process! Lastly, on Friday, grades 3-6 celebrated No One Eats Alone Day at lunch. 

What is No One Eats Alone?

No One Eats Alone is a lunchtime school event that seeks to reverse the trends of social isolation by asking students to engage in a simple act of kindness at lunch – making sure that no one is eating alone and students are making an effort to eat with new classmates and peers. 6th grade students and Mrs. Kouba used Starburst candies to group students at different tables. At each table, there were discussion questions for them to read. Videos and songs were playing on the TV in the commons area and some students won some fun door prizes.  

Why do No One Eats Alone?

Because it will be the starting place for changing the culture of your school to one where all kids feel included, valued and accepted by their peers.

No One Eats Alone Day works because of three simple ideas:

• Students Can Improve Their Own Communities: No One Eats Alone allows students to make a tangible change in their own community by making sure that everyone is included at lunch.

• Inclusive Communities are H2er Communities: Inclusive school communities create happier and more successful students while also empowering youth to be agents of change.

• Stopping Social Isolation Helps to Stop Bullying: Social isolation is oftentimes the precursor for bullying. School communities with a culture of inclusion have far fewer instances of bullying.

What is social isolation?

Social isolation is the feeling of being left out, lonely, or invisible.

There are students in schools all over the world who quietly suffer from loneliness and isolation throughout each day. This feeling of loneliness is often highlighted at lunchtime, when kids are left to fend for themselves socially.

How are social isolation and bullying connected?

It is our experience that social isolation is often the precursor to bullying. School communities with a culture of inclusion will have far fewer instances of bullying and cruelty.

Why social isolation? Don’t schools have bigger problems like bullying and violence?

We believe that much of the bullying and violence in our schools can be addressed by treating the underlying causes, rather than just the symptoms.

Social isolation is a problem in every school. We have talked to over 10,000 students in dozens of schools and afterschool programs, and we have found the problem of social isolation to be universal. We also acknowledge the relationship between social isolation and bullying and violence. By reducing social isolation, we believe we can help end much bullying and violence.Aggie Vision Start With Hello

The Power of YET!

One small, three letter word. It is my favorite word to say to doubting students as well as skeptical teachers!

YET!!

(Click on the word YET and watch a video)

What's to stop us from beginning our day like Jessica in the video? It may not involve standing on your sink to develop this "YET" sensibility, but it can take a little work! But if we want to achieve more as a student, reach more students as a teacher, or improve in the sports arena, this one little word can go sooooo far! It takes practice, patience, perseverance and TRUST!

So imagine what each of us--teachers, students, and school leaders--could do as individuals, for the people we love, and the world we live in if we give our very best, if we practice smarter, embrace challenge, trust in our teachers, colleagues, mentors, and parents and replace “can’t” with a deafening “yet”! 

Flap Harder Penguin and You Can Fly?

“Everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish on it’s ability to climb a tree, it’s live its whole life believing it is stupid.” ~Albert Einstein

Now, lest you say that this is another one of those “flap harder penguin and you can fly” type of statements, let me set you straight, because that simply is not the case. Yes, statistics show that low socioeconomic factors vs high socioeconomic factors can determine test scores, but why is that so? A belief pattern perhaps? A fixed mindset perhaps? Maybe, maybe not, but how can believing in someone be all bad? How can having hope be all bad? Many would say that one is setting up one for failure. Yet, how many of us have seen someone believe in inner-city kids and have watched them fly up the ladder of success as a result? So, least you think that building false hope or empty praise is the goal, Carol Dweck, a believer in Growth Mindset addresses this topic. She states that giving praise for praise’s sake is exactly what we are NOT to do. We need to guide students specifically, not superficially; we praise their effort. We are not asking penguins to fly, but we are showing them that they certainly could be excellent swimmers, and celebrating their efforts towards success in doing so. We’ve all seen the students; the one’s that other teachers say will “never amount to anything.” How many times were they completely written off by society and educators, only to find success?

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Growth Mindset

                                  

In our counseling classes here at PRAS, we have been learning about having a Growth Mindset. Of course, the material we learn is developmental depending upon the ages of the students, but if you ask your child, they will know about Oreo the Skunk and Bucky the Beaver, the finger puppets I use to help students understand the concept of a Growth Mindset.  

Oreo has a fixed or closed mindset and often is negative. She says things like "I can't" or "It's too hard!" In other words she has Stinkin' Thinkin'! On the other hand, Bucky has a growth or open mindset and is always positive. He says "I can" and "I will, even if it's hard!" He is an Eager Beaver and wants to do well. Below is some information about Growth Mindsets and ways to help instill such thinking in your child.  Click on the links to hear more from the experts!

• Students with a growth mindset believe that intelligence can be developed. These students focus on learning over just looking smart, see effort as the key to success, and thrive in the face of a challenge.
• Students with a fixed mindset believe that people are born with a certain amount of intelligence, and they can’t do much to change that. These students focus on looking smart over learning, see effort as a sign of low ability, and wilt in the face of a challenge.
• Students with a growth mindset do better in school.

What is a Growth Mindset?

Click on the  link above to listen to Carol Dweck to learn more about fixed and  growth mindsets and how they impact learning.

3 Ways a Parent Can Instill a GROWTH MINDSET